I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dignity is for republicans.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize