He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
