at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize