What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
