Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
