glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
