I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
