South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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