We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
