my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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