after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
