I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize