he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
