She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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