I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
