theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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