You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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