I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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