Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
