wakey wakey hands off snakey
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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