I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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