this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
