If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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