Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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