Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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