if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
