first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
