my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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