Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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