I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
