only you would photoshop your dick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
