I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
