You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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