Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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