so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
