I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
