Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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