Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
