Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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