Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize