I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
