i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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