oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Four minutes until I can fart!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
