Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
