3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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