found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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