I must be too annoying 4 u.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
