You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
