the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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