oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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