Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
