The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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