You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize