So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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