I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
