i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
