He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
