My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
