He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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