Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
