i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
