I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
