Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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