Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
