the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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