I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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