i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
