11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize