There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
