what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
