Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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