I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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