it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
