unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
