I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize