I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
