Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
