We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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