Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize