I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is wine microwaveable?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
