pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
time to smoke my breakfast
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
