Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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