My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
