So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
