Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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