I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
