Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
