Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize