I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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