So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize