This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
