I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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