I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i think i just lost a toe
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