Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
