He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
