Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
