just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
