I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
