i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
