Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
