I just threw up on my dentist
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
