Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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