one two three fourrrrnication!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
