I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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