Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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