what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
