508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
