So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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