I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
